Good Intentions are Not Good Enough.
There
are very many people out there who have in their hearts the desire to help
veterans, but they do not know how. I am
grateful for these people and look to their help with open arms, but my first
suggestion to them is to do a little research about military and veterans,
especially when putting together a program. Now I also extend this to veterans
who want to help their own; in that: we
did not all serve in the same military; we did not all serve in the same
occupation; we did not all deploy to the same place, if we deployed at all; and
we did not have the same experiences.
I
was in the Air Force, although I have brothers who served in the Army,
biological father who served in the Navy and father-in-law (who has passed
away) who served in the Marine Corps, I served in the Air Force. I did have the
privilege to actually serve alongside all the services, but only with specific
careers. With that said, military terminology for the most part is shared among
the services, but every branch, ever base/post, every field has many of its own
language. Even as a veteran, if you are in a job or volunteer to help other
veterans, know who your clients/participants will be. If you were never
deployed and you want to work with veterans who were, know the language, know
the basic triggers, know the era, learn what you can so that you do not inadvertently
do more damage than good.
This
brings me to the area which I have focused on, women who experienced Military
Sexual Trauma. I understand, even as a survivor myself, everyone’s situation, everyone’s
experience, and everyone’s reactions will be different. I have researched the
clinical journals to see what the “professionals” have to say, but I have also
had hundreds if not thousands of conversations (emails, IMs, in person, over
the phone, even letters) with others, who also experienced MST, both men and
women. I know for myself that I am extremely empathetic to men and their unique
circumstances, but all the perpetrators I came in contact with were men, so I
work in a general sense with them. I focus more on not just what I know, but
who I can help the most, women. I know that being in a group setting to talk
about emotions, feelings, troubles, symptoms; I would not be comfortable having
a man in that group – for two reasons. The first I have already mentioned, that
protects me, the second is I do not want to be the one who triggers another
survivor, male or female, but I know much of my language is from the point of a
woman who encountered only male perpetrators.
I
have seen too many people with good intentions retraumatize others. I have seen
programs, which again were done with good intentions, retraumatize others. So
before you want to help others here are a few tips –
·
Know
who it is that you are trying to help
·
Research
that area
·
Know
the language
·
Ask
to have another (survivor) look over a program before you implement it
·
Research
what you are going to call the program so that you are not leaving out who you
state you are helping
·
Again
with the name of programs, make sure it is not offensive, as if you are using a
mythological god or goddess’ name (as I
have seen before), know not just the main stories but the back stories of that
god or goddess’
·
Look
up the dictionary definition of main words used in the program name to see if
there isn’t an old English definition that would be offensive
I am just asking
that a little more thought, and much more investigation (research) into who you
are trying to help. Good intentions are not good enough.
