Why I cannot remember your name

After years I finally connected it. Twenty-two years ago (1989, in case my math is wrong), I stopped being able to remember people’s names. For the longest time (22 years) I have not connected the two. Why now? Don’t know, things just come to me at times, and I must write them down, or I know I will forget. That is why it seems I have such a great memory, I write things down, have done it for years, started in 1984 when I was given a journal from someone. When I was younger it was to just put feelings that I could not talk about to others, or did not want to. I wrote about a few boys that I had brief crushes on, when I was fighting with my best friend, the new movie that I saw at the theater and other such childhood thoughts put into a “secret place.” Now journaling is my lifeline to my past, without it I would be lost, without it I would be dead.

Back to the reasoning. It was Panama; I had been sent TDY from my permanent duty station, Dyess AFB in Texas to Howard AFB, in Panama. If you want the full story it is in my first book, Crossing the Blue Code. People died. I did not want to know their names because I did not want to know I had known them. I met bunches of people I knew all their names and I did not want to know that it was someone I met. At that point I didn’t realize that I stopped attaching people’s names to their faces. I could tell you if we met (by the face). I could say what you were wearing and a little of the conversation and at times even quote you, but that part was over. If I did not know your name, then when I saw it, or when I heard it over the net, or when I read it in a report, or in the paper, I would not have to deal with the fact that someone I knew died. Especially since it wasn’t just an accidental death, it was murder.