Good Intentions are Not Enough.

Good Intentions are Not Good Enough.

There are very many people out there who have in their hearts the desire to help veterans, but they do not know how.  I am grateful for these people and look to their help with open arms, but my first suggestion to them is to do a little research about military and veterans, especially when putting together a program. Now I also extend this to veterans who want to help their own; in that:  we did not all serve in the same military; we did not all serve in the same occupation; we did not all deploy to the same place, if we deployed at all; and we did not have the same experiences.

I was in the Air Force, although I have brothers who served in the Army, biological father who served in the Navy and father-in-law (who has passed away) who served in the Marine Corps, I served in the Air Force. I did have the privilege to actually serve alongside all the services, but only with specific careers. With that said, military terminology for the most part is shared among the services, but every branch, ever base/post, every field has many of its own language. Even as a veteran, if you are in a job or volunteer to help other veterans, know who your clients/participants will be. If you were never deployed and you want to work with veterans who were, know the language, know the basic triggers, know the era, learn what you can so that you do not inadvertently do more damage than good.

This brings me to the area which I have focused on, women who experienced Military Sexual Trauma. I understand, even as a survivor myself, everyone’s situation, everyone’s experience, and everyone’s reactions will be different. I have researched the clinical journals to see what the “professionals” have to say, but I have also had hundreds if not thousands of conversations (emails, IMs, in person, over the phone, even letters) with others, who also experienced MST, both men and women. I know for myself that I am extremely empathetic to men and their unique circumstances, but all the perpetrators I came in contact with were men, so I work in a general sense with them. I focus more on not just what I know, but who I can help the most, women. I know that being in a group setting to talk about emotions, feelings, troubles, symptoms; I would not be comfortable having a man in that group – for two reasons. The first I have already mentioned, that protects me, the second is I do not want to be the one who triggers another survivor, male or female, but I know much of my language is from the point of a woman who encountered only male perpetrators.

I have seen too many people with good intentions retraumatize others. I have seen programs, which again were done with good intentions, retraumatize others. So before you want to help others here are a few tips –

·         Know who it is that you are trying to help

·         Research that area

·         Know the language

·         Ask to have another (survivor) look over a program before you implement it

·         Research what you are going to call the program so that you are not leaving out who you state you are helping

·         Again with the name of programs, make sure it is not offensive, as if you are using a mythological  god or goddess’ name (as I have seen before), know not just the main stories but the back stories of that god or goddess’

·         Look up the dictionary definition of main words used in the program name to see if there isn’t an old English definition that would be offensive

I am just asking that a little more thought, and much more investigation (research) into who you are trying to help. Good intentions are not good enough.