Weight gain on meds.

Downside to antidepressants. Of course there are many downsides, side effects to taking any medications, but this has a viscious cycle all its own. Many antidepressants cause weight gain, they do not necessarily give energy, so you do not get any more energy but you do have the tendency to add pounds. Along with that many MST survivors wrongly attribute what they looked like to their being assaulted. I did this. While I was in the military I swear not a day went by when someone did not comment (not appropriate or appreciated) on some aspect of my body. I was the one who could eat whatever I wanted and it seemed to dissipate into the air. Mostly genetic, I was always doing something, and as Law Enforcement, especially K-9 handler, I was "working" most of the time. My duty was not sitting in a car and occassionally writing a ticket, or at some gate exercising just my arm to allow vehicles onto the base. No, I had K-9 duties, walks in the housing area, walks on the flightline, walks through dorms, and we all had to keep track of the time that we trained with our MWDs. In Panama I was out in the jungle, walking (at times running) to or away from something.
The weight gain happened slowly, but I could see it coming on. I can actually feel the medication slowing me down. When I miss a dose I start to "rev up" and usually my husband will ask if I have taken my meds. My speech increases to Olympic-speed. I miss the energy, and trying to take other meds to counter the down that I get only makes things worse for other issues.
I didn't notice that I unconsciously liked the weight gain. I found that  my figure was not being mentioned, I was not being looked at by guys here and there, and I had the feeling that I was not attractive to others, but inside I appreciated this. I had associated my figure with all the negative responses I endured. But then there is the feeling of "I let myself go", that I no longer can fit into the same clothes that I used to, and the mass media push to be the thinnest possible.
I was not on the fence about the weight, just depended on the day, if the depression was on the high end it bothered me, if not I did not think twice about it. I heard that there are questions you are never supposed to ask as woman - how old she is and what does she weigh. If I can remember my age, which at times my husband must remind me I am not that age, I am older or younger than what I have said. This is not that I want to be older or younger, I actually do forget how old I am. I can remember when I was born (the year) so instead of automatically saying what it is I do at times try and add to be close (side effect of head injuries from the military). But I really do not know how much that I weigh. I don't go by numbers, they are arbitrary, a number that looks a little heavy on one person does not on another, even if their height is the same. I have small bones, so any amount can be seen. But like I said I do not go by numbers. I go by what clothes I can fit into and which ones are a little too tight.
I could cut off all the meds and my body would return to what it was (did it once, not a smart thing), but I would rather be functionable and this weight (whatever that is) than to fit into my high school jeans and not function. It is a trade off. Many other survivors have commented on wanting to ditch the meds because of the weight, and I understand that want, but what is better?
So it is a cycle, you gain a little weight on antidepressants, you are not happy about it and the depression is fed, so you up the dose and gain a little more weight. At the same time the antidepressants are not uppers, they do not supply you with energy, just help the dark feelings stay controllable, so you do not have some extra, or even the regular energy to do what you used to be able to do.
As a woman,  I know the pressure of the weight dilemma, as you get older it is easier for the weight to stay on (especially after having children) but the meds add so much more.
There was a time that I went to the nutritionist at the VA, I wanted to know what I could do for the side-effect of weight gain. So the overweight chain-smoking VA nutritionist pulled off the computer the new "plate" for what to eat. That was the end of asking the VA for help. So I have had to make it something that I put on a list, something that I am working on, everyday. I am not on a diet (take off the t and that's what I feel about that). But I have changed my eating habits, it is a life habit change, not some grapefruit mush to choke down for 10 days.
It is another added issue to having PTSD, what the meds do. There are other types of medications that others take for PTSD (not everything works for everyone) which cause other side effects that also add other issues to what you are already dealing with.
What I would like is a discussion of what to do, not a pharmacist to talk about the side effects, but actual help in how to incorporate the medications into my life with the least amount of side effects. It's not a replacement for what the pharmacist does, but should be in addition to.
There are nutritionist , VA ones which would be so helpful to me, and be able to do what it is I asked for, but as everyone can tell you, not all VA facilities are the same, even when they offer the same program, it depends a lot on the person who runs that program, and unfortunately I am stuck with this one for the time being.
It is not about adding some exercise program to my day either, it would have been nice prior to being prescribed the medications for someone to have sat down with me and gone over the side effects, especially the weight one because that seems to be one many many have. Someone who can see the other medications and talk about the interactions they could have, someone who could see that PTSD is not my only service-connected disability, to talk to me about me, not in some general aspect, but me with all that I have coming to the table.
So others that have the same side effect, you are not alone. It is not you, you are not lazy, you did not "let yourself go" it is just another side effect of dealing with issues many people do not understand.